Extras~

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28.6.10

Letter to Pedro - Insights

I think the story is extremely meaningful. The town Pedro left acts as a microcosm of the whole Philippines, representing what is happening all over the country. The writer of the etter says not much has changed, probably because many of their old ways still remain. However, things are changing.

People are becoming more modern, the extent of which depends on the depths of one's pocket. Or, in Pedro's cousin Julia's case, the depths one is willing to sink to. Corruption has already begun to blossom, just as the sampaguitas on the mayor's gate do. Everyone still has their virtues and their vices, their little quirks and flaws. Old habits die hard, as seen in the old farmers in the cockpit, but familiar sights must bow down to functionality and convenience, such as their memorable river, now overshadowed by a new bridge.

Life has both remained stationary and moved on without Pedro, just as a river remains a river even as the waters flow out to the sea. The Philippines is still the home of hospitable brown people, willing to work diligently but not dreaming big enough, but it has hopped on the bandwagon and attempted at copying other countries to keep up with the rest of the world.

We are a woman trying on her friends' makeup, but underneath the scented powder of better education and the gloss of new technology, we will always remain the same.

27.6.10

Hayop


~

Alam lang ay manakit
Puso'y puno ng pait
Linalason ng galit
Hindi kayang mag-ibig.

~

Free

~

Why is she crying?
She shouldn't be.
Today's a wonderful day;
She's finally free.

But her eyes are rimmed in red
Like the bullet in his head
And the only one smiling is me.

~

Ribbons

~

4

"It's for you!"
"A... jellybean?" She crinkled her nose.
"It's special!" He took a ribbon from his pocket and tied it carefully in a bow around the candy. "See?"

10

"I'm sorry."
"It's not okay!" She crossed her arms tightly, though really it was.
"Here, then." He took the doll out from the bag where he was hiding it, and wrapped a ribbon around its neck. "It is okay now?"
"...Maybe."

16

"He's an idiot."
"I-I h-hate him so m-much!" She sobbed into his shoulder, clutching his shirt in her shaking fists.
"He doesn't deserve you." He held her tightly. She turned around and let him plait her
hair gently, and he took a ribbon from his pocket and secured her brown locks. "It's gonna be alright."

22

"Close your eyes."
"Why?" But she closed them anyway.
"No peeking!" He held her hand and knelt down, and this time it was a ring that he took out of his pocket. "Open them."

~

Winter Kisses

~

Your winter kisses
are fragile snowflakes in my memory;
Beautiful, spectacular,
coming in flurries or blizzards
or all by themselves.
Yet they were anything but cold.
Light as a feather, more passionate than red
drowning me in melodious flames
from my head to my toes.

Arms around your neck
hands at my waist
interlocked in our sweet embrace

Your lips meet mine
travel down to my neck,
to my shoulder.
I breathe a little faster
and I pull myself closer.


But snowflakes disappear
when the spring finally arrives
They melt into the tears
I cry late at night.
When I remember how the passion
in your kisses drained away
Like stars fading one by one
as night bows down to day.

You stopped holding me so close
and your lips
never strayed far from my cheek
I bit my tongue to remind myself
that I was too proud to show you my tears.

The tears that came with racking sobs
in the ungodly hours of the night
My mind giving in to delirium
my body not putting up a fight.

They came with half-pints of half-melted ice cream
tasteless when compared
to what your kisses used to be.

Bunched up sheets
from fists curled up in anger
Dampened pillows due to tears
from eyes tired of sorrow
My throat burning from hoarse cries
asking the night what I did wrong
and depression will only last so long
But for now let me wallow in my sadness
which may last til tomorrow
when I burn all of your letters
Or till autumn next rids
the trees of their leaves.

They were snowflakes in my memory
and they melted in my hands.
Those cotton candy memories spun of sweet lies and fool's gold
A sparkling memento of the times
before your winter kisses finally turned cold.

~

Goodbye

~

That's right, walk away, like I mean nothing at all
and all I see is coldness in your eyes as you're watching me fall
Do you know that it doesn't even surprise me now how I seem invisible to you
I know it doesn't matter, but I'm still trying, 'cause I've still got everything to lose

You were always the one to walk away first
like you could just turn your back on the world
and I'm the one left here picking up all the pieces you left behind
I guess I'm finding out the easiest word for you to say is goodbye

It's like no matter what I do I only ever seem to get in your way
but no one sees the truth through all the lies we sing so sweetly and the smiles we love to fake
Well I guess now I know I'm nothing your heart of stone can't break down
I keep trying to think through all my tears and your screams and now I can't hear a sound

You were always the one to walk away first
like you could just turn your back on the world
and I'm the one left here picking up all the pieces you left behind
I guess I'm finding out the easiest word for you to say is goodbye

Every time I move one step towards you, you take ten steps away
and your eyes never look like they've held any warmth
Just like I will never know what it's like to be held in your arms
and not feel like you're still pushing me away
'Cause all you ever seem to do is break away

You were always the one to walk away first
like you could just turn your back on the world
and I'm the one left here picking up all the pieces you left behind
I guess I'm finding out the easiest word for you to say is goodbye

You make it seem so easy
and I still don't know why, but
no matter how hard I try
with you, I just can't say goodbye..

~

Vengeance and Foolishness

~

One looked so sinister
and the other like a foolish man
The first with a thirst for vengeance in his soul
and the other, truly a foolish man.

Down into the catacombs
they went, with Vengeance in the lead
All Foolishness could do was follow,
and to the growing dread in his heart, he paid no heed.

A descent into the depths of a madman's mind
A fit of coughing due to the river's nitre
Vengeance gave him assurance that he would not die
and Foolishness stayed true to its nature.

And there he was, poor Foolishness
screaming, "For the love of God!"
But Vengeance only laughed at him,
mocking, "For the love of God!"

'Nemo me impune lacessit,'
for savageness was deep in his heart
and so Vengeance walled up the anger of his past
and Foolishness was left in the dark.

Calling for a cask of wine
but Vengeance listened not
for Foolishness was yet to suffer
and thus, was left to rot.

~

The Way They Used to Be

~

I'm in love with a boy who used to be my best friend
The one who made me believe I could touch the sky
He talked me through 'til dawn on the nights I thought would never end
And then he was gone in the blink of an eye.

I didn't leave, and neither did he
But my heart was so blind before, that I couldn't see
The most amazing boy in the whole wide world was right in front of me
But I didn't know it
And now I can only hope and pray, that maybe one day
things will go back to the way they used to be.

I'm in love with a boy who always makes me smile
The one who told me never to give up on myself
He told me it was alright to cry
And that made me realize that I want nobody else.

But now he loves somebody else, and she's prettier than me
'Cause my heart was so blind before, that I couldn't see
The most amazing boy in the whole wide world was right in front of me
But I didn't know it
And now I can only hope and pray, that maybe one day
things will go back to the way they used to be.

I'm in love with a boy who used to stare at me when he thought I didn't know
The one who drove me crazy with his mischievous grin
He's never given me roses, and he's no Romeo
But I still fell the hardest for him.

I know he loves her even more than he used to love me
'Cause my heart was so blind before, that I couldn't see
The most amazing boy in the whole wide world was right in front of me
But I didn't know it
And now I can only hope and pray, that maybe one day
things will go back to the way they used to be.

I'm still in love with him, and he still doesn't know
I'd never tell him, but I can't just let it go
I know I lost my chance with him, a long time ago
But my heart says maybe it can't hurt to hope.

Why didn't I notice, way back when he loved me?
Why was my heart was so blind before, that I couldn't see
The most amazing boy in the whole wide world was right in front of me?
But I didn't know it
And now I can only hope and pray, that maybe one day
things will go back to the way they used to be.

I don't think he'll ever realize
He's the last thought in my mind before I sleep
And I start to melt whenever I look into his eyes
But he's already gotten over me.

~

Cinder Sweep

~

You and I are like a fairytale
But I don't feel like it's going my way
Maybe I'm just one of the passers-by
And here comes the princess, make way, make way.

'cause she's perfect, she's everything you want
I'm just me, and she stole your heart
You make those promises you'll never keep
Oh, what would you do to make me believe?
'cause she's the princess and I'm just the cinder sweep
so do you honestly believe that I think you love me?

She won't say yes but she won't say no
And I'm just here being put up for show
'cause I can't help it, even though I know
that once she says yes, you're gonna let go.

'cause she's perfect, she's everything you want
I'm just me, and she stole your heart
You make those promises you'll never keep
Oh, what would you do to make me believe?
'cause she's the princess and I'm just the cinder sweep
so do you honestly believe that I think you love me?

I know I'll get hurt but I can't help myself
I'm just your trophy girl until you find someone else
I'm in too deep, too late to call for help
'cause when you're done with me I'll just be displayed on your shelf.

'cause she's perfect, she's everything you want
I'm just me, and she stole your heart
You make those promises you'll never keep
Oh, what would you do to make me believe?
'cause she's the princess and I'm just the cinder sweep
so do you honestly believe that I think you love me?

Oh, don't tell me I'm one of a kind
She's better than that, the only star in your sky
She's swirling in fairy dust, the ashes are in my eye
Don't mind me, I'm not cryin'..

'cause if she's perfect, and everything you want
I'll just be me, so lock me out of your heart
Don't mind those promises you made to me;
There's nothing you can do to make me believe
'cause she's the princess and I'm just the cinder sweep
so do you honestly believe hat I think you love me?

'cause she's perfect, and I'm just me..

~

I Think I Forgot

~

There you go again, walking away
And then I remembered, I had something to say.
It was really important, but you couldn't stay
So I guess now it's way too late.

I think I forgot to tell you I love you
The words just kind of got caught in my throat
'cause you left me speechless, and now I can't tell
if I want you or I need you
or maybe even both
and I think I forgot to kiss you goodnight
so I guess we'll just settle for saying goodbye.

Here we are again, saying goodbye
And I'm left absolutely breathless when I look in your eyes
Guess I'll never figure out when the time is just right
I suppose I'll tell you how I feel some other night.

I think I forgot to tell you I love you
The words just kind of got caught in my throat
'cause you left me speechless, and now I can't tell
if I want you or I need you
or maybe even both
and I think I forgot to kiss you goodnight
so I guess we'll just settle for saying goodbye.

And here I am again, looking like a fool
Looking for the right words to say what is true
Waiting for the right moment, as by me time flew
'cause tonight, I fell for you.

I think I forgot to tell you I love you
The words just kind of got caught in my throat
'cause you left me speechless, and now I can't tell
if I want you or I need you
or maybe even both
and I think I forgot to kiss you goodnight
so I guess we'll just settle for saying goodbye.

I guess I forgot to tell you I love you
I couldn't find the right words to ask you to stay
Now I need to find a way to say how I feel
Before you say goodbye and start walking away
And yeah I forgot to kiss you goodnight
But tomorrow I promise, I'll make it right.

I think I forgot to tell you I love you
The words just kind of got caught in my throat
'cause you left me speechless, and now I can't tell
if I want you or I need you
or maybe even both
and I think I forgot to kiss you goodnight
so I guess we'll just settle for saying goodbye.

~

Last Waltz

~

You hold me
and the music begins to play
I look into your eyes
my hand on your shoulder
your hand on my waist.

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, turn, glide.
I lose myself in the music
I shut out reality, closing my eyes
I feel you whisk me around
like we're dancing on sky.

You spin me out and back in
and I fall into your arms
I look away and I hope you won't see
that what you're doing right now
is breaking my heart.

We did it, you whisper
and for a moment I forget how to breathe
And then I remember that
when you look into my eyes
I'm not the one you see.

It will always be her
your angel, your love
And I will never be able to look into your eyes
without knowing
that I wasn't good enough.

~

Walk Away

~

Well I'm sitting on the edge of this precipice
pondering the broken wings of my heart, afraid to fly.
'Cause I know I will fall if you don't catch me
and I know, you won't even try.

So just walk away and don't look back
'cause I swear if you do, you'll see me crying.
And I'll let you be alone, like you always wanted
like I always wanted to be flying.

So set me free, just let me soar.
I wasn't meant to be caged in someone else's heart.
So just let me fly, I swear I'll come back for you
I just need to see the world before you contain me
'cause I can't remain forever the silent one,
beloved, the trophy won; caged forever in your heart.

I guess I wasn't good enough, so you broke my wings before I could fly.
I had to rely on myself and everyone else, but you.
And anyone else would have had some compassion for this girl
with the broken wings one the edge of this precipice but no, not you.

So just take back all the words that we both know you never meant
and stop pretending that you care, because you don't.
You promised you would catch me if ever I fell
but I learned the hard way, you won't.

~

Let Me Fall

~

You said you'd be there
You held out your hand
Foolishly, I took it.

You led me on
I was blindfolded and
You left me on the edge
Of a cliff.

You pushed me
I stumbled
I fell
But you caught me.

You said
You wouldn't let me fall
And I suffered through your lies.

You brushed it off as nothing
You laughed it off
Didn't know how
I was dying inside.

I'm sick of it
I don't want your hand
To be the one that saves me.
So let go.
Let me fall once more
And this time
Don't catch me.

~

Footprints

~

I hear the gulls crying
And the sand sifts between my toes
I lay down a blanket
I'm alone at the beach, and nobody knows.

The rain patters down
And I look at the sky
I remember the days
When I could see it in your eyes.

Those days are long gone
And so are you
I don't know if I've moved on
But the sky is still blue.

The rain stops
And the ocean brings shells to my feet
Maybe if I listen
I'll hear you call out to me.

The ocean grows rougher
And it washes away
The shells and the pebbles
The footprints I've made.

The rain comes back
And so do the tears
I'm not done wishing
You were still here.

I won't be done with it
At least not for a long while
I stare into the waters and
I remember your smile.

You didn't want me to miss you
All you wanted to do was leave
And I don't know if I can still pretend
You ever cared about me.

I do miss you
And the pain is here to stay
But I know the footprints you left on my heart
Are the kind that won't be washed away.

~

Left Behind

~

Looks like I'm leaving again
like so many times before.
All my bags are packed and ready
for me to bring them out that door.

Yet I can't help but wonder
if this is really my path;
But I've already made my choice,
and there's no turning back.

I left behind the life
wherein I truly belonged.
I had to grow up so fast,
I had to learn to be strong.
I had to be a different person,
I had to live a different life.
Guess I better get used to leaving,
I better get used to goodbyes.

The plane's taking off soon,
I won't be back in a while.
Everything's downhill from here;
Guess now I'll have to fake this smile.

There's no more time for crying
I'll have to hold back these tears.
No use wishing on a falling star
that I could stay here.

I left behind the life
wherein I truly belonged.
I had to grow up so fast,
I had to learn to be strong.
I had to be a different person,
I had to live a different life.
Guess I better get used to leaving,
I better get used to goodbyes.

Doesn't matter what we want,
These things are out of our hands.
But I know before I get on the plane
I'll cast only one backwards glance..

I left behind the life
wherein I truly belonged.
I had to grow up so fast,
I had to learn to be strong.
I had to be a different person,
I had to live a different life.
Guess I better get used to leaving,
I better get used to goodbyes.

But I'll never get used to leaving,
I'll never want to say goodbye..

~

Sunset

~

I dunno, but I guess, I was waiting for my ride
but then I saw you, and I decided to stay
and suddenly, you said hey
and we started talking.

And apparently,
your favorite color's the same as mine
and your eyes, how they shine
they put shame to the city lights.

I dunno, but I guess, we were just messing around
two teenage kids just sitting down on those steps
and suddenly, we notice sunset
and we try to catch it.

And miraculously,
we catch the sunset in time
and as night begins, your eyes somehow meet mine
they put shame to the stars in the sky.

I dunno, but I guess, somewhere along the way
I fell for you after sunset that day
and suddenly, I couldn't speak
and I'm so glad I stayed.

And out of the blue,
you smile and I smile back
guess we're both falling, but we'll never say that
and I stare into your eyes and how they shine,
and how they put shame to that moon so bright.

I dunno, but I guess, I really had to leave
so we never had a chance to make it you and me
we said goodbye, goodnight, guess I'll see you soon
and we parted ways underneath that moon.

I look at you for one last time
and your eyes, how they shine
they brought tears to mine.

~

Kelly

~

Everyone knows her, she can sing and dance and act
she's a shoulder to cry on, with great grades on top of that
she's got hair like spun gold, and eyes like the sea
yeah she's everything you want, and she's not me.

Is it so wrong to want everything she's got?
'cause it's so obvious that she's everything I'm not.
we all know she's your perfect girl, and she knows it too
but baby, I remember when I was good enough for you.

She knows what to say, and knows how to cheer you up
you two can talk about your secrets or just random crazy stuff
you'll never see her cry, 'cause she's just that kind of girl
I was last week's appointment, now she's your world.

Is it so wrong to want everything she's got?
'cause it's so obvious that she's everything I'm not.
we all know she's your perfect girl, and she knows it too
but baby, I remember when I was good enough for you.

She stole your heart, before I had the chance to try
she's all you need, yeah, I see it in your eyes
she's your angel sent down from the heavens above
so I'm happy for her, she deserves your love.

Is it so wrong to want everything she's got?
'cause it's so obvious that she's everything I'm not.
we all know she's your perfect girl, and she knows it too
but baby, I remember when I was good enough for you.

Why is it so wrong, when I've known all along
she's what you wanted?
So go be happy together, now she's yours forever
'cause I wasn't what you wanted.

What's so wrong if I want everything she's got?
Because we both know that she's everything I'm not
we all know she's your perfect girl, and she knows it too
and now I begin to wonder: was I ever good enough for you?

Was I ever good enough for you?

~

What Could Have Been

~

Yeah, we're talking 'bout everything and nothing all at once
I'm finding it so easy to smile for real
yeah, strumming our guitars randomly,
singing off key,
this is not how I'm supposed to feel.

But our hearts were taken, before we had a chance
and while I'm thinking,
"What's this we fell into?"
he holds out his hand, and asks me to dance.

Yeah, we danced all night, and my problems flew out the window
and I'm thinking, "why does this feel so right?"
and we both know it could never be, him and me
but still I know, tonight we're both
staring at the stars, wondering
what could have happened,
what could have been.

Yeah, we're laughing at ourselves and we're messing about
we know each other like we know ourselves
when we're mad and we hate the world,
problems with him and her
we know how to make it better again.

But our hearts are taken, and we can only be friends
and while I'm thinking, "I'm not allowed to fall for you."
he takes my hand, and asks me to dance.

Yeah, we danced all night, and my problems flew out the window
and I'm thinking, "Why does this feel so right?"
and we both know it could never be, him and me
but still I know, tonight we're both
staring at the stars, wondering
what could have happened,
what could have been.

Yeah, I love him like a brother, and I know he loves me
when I cry, he makes me laugh so easily
he'll break down, I'll understand,
like the back of my hand
but we both know it's not meant to be.

'Cause our hearts are taken, and we can't make it right
and while I'm thinking "what are we going to do?"
he holds me tight, and asks me for one last dance tonight.

Yeah, we danced all night, and my problems flew out the window
and I'm thinking, "Why does this feel so right?"
and we both know it could never be, him and me
but still I know, tonight we're both
staring at the stars, wondering
what could have happened,
what could have been.

Oh no, what's this we fell into?
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to fall for you.
oh, what are we going to do?

Yeah, we danced all night, and problems flew out the window
and I'm thinking, "Why does this feel so right?"
and we both know it could never be, him and me
but still I know, tonight we're both
staring at the stars, wondering
what could have happened,
what could have been.

Oh, what could have been..

~

Faceless

~

Baby, did you mean it,
or was I never enough?
Did you really mean those words you said;
do you even feel love?

Or was I just another pretty face,
another girl in the crowd?
I won't wait forever for you,
so you'll have to tell me now.

If you loved me, why'd you let me fall?
You left me picking up the pieces.
Was I worth anything at all?
Yeah you don't know, what I've been through;
you don't even know me.
And baby, to you, I feel faceless.

Did you even really like me,
or was I the girl of the day?
And when I got too close for comfort
yeah, you pushed me away.

Is love just some stupid emotion to you,
or can you even feel?
You say such beautiful words
and none of them are real.

If you loved me, why'd you let me fall?
You left me picking up the pieces.
Was I worth anything at all?
Yeah you don't know, what I've been through;
you don't even know me.
And baby, to you, I feel faceless.

So everything you said to me;
all of them were lies.
You always meant to break your promises,
I could see it in your eyes.

You never really meant it;
I wasn't good enough for you.
But babe, you're not the only one
who can find someone new.

If you loved me, why'd you let me fall?
You left me picking up the pieces.
Was I worth anything at all?
Yeah you don't know, what I've been through;
you don't even know me.
And baby, to you, I feel faceless.

And when I find someone better
you'll be the very first to know.
Bet you thought I couldn't live without you
but I'm learning to let go.

And maybe one day soon you'll realize
I was worth it after all.
Someone will do, what you did to me
but I won't catch you when you fall.

And next time, you'll be the one to fall,
you'll be left picking up the pieces.
And I won't save you when you call.
And then you'll know, what I've been through,
but you will never know me.
And baby, to me, you'll be faceless.

Pretty soon, you'll be nothing but faceless...

~

Indifference

~

I guess, for some reason,
it really didn't matter to me anymore.
Which is why I didn't stop you
when you walked out that door.


I don't hate you, I don't feel anything.
It's not my loss, but then again it's not my win.

I'd say,
walk away for all I care,
but I don't.
It's pointless making my heart
try and feel something it won't.
You try and talk but the words
you say are making no sense,
I try and come up with a feeling,
but all I've got is this indifference.
So just go.

I guess, for some reason,
I just didn't feel like holding on.
Which is why when you looked back
I was already gone.

I don't hate you, I don't feel anything.
It's not my loss, but then again it's not my win.

I'd say,
walk away for all I care,
but I don't.
It's pointless making my heart
try and feel something it won't.
You try and talk but the words
you say are making no sense,
I try and come up with a feeling,
but all I've got is this indifference.
So just go.

You looked back once,
did you see tears? No.
Did you really think I still cared?
I broke your heart,
but was it my fault?
Wasn't I always there?
I was the one who taught you how to love,
but I guess I forgot.
And you can't right what's wrong this time around,
there's no "One Last Shot".
Stop trying to make this into something it's not.
I'm sorry, but that's all I've got, to say..

I'd say,
walk away for all I care,
but I don't.
It's pointless making my heart
try and feel something it won't.
You try and talk but the words
you say are making no sense,
I try and come up with a feeling,
but all I've got is this indifference.
So just go.

Please... just go.

~

You'll Never Know

~

You really won't believe I love you
'cause you just don't know how much I do;
don't know how it hurts me, every time
I tell you and you say it isn't true.

I guess you'll never know how I cry;
how you're the last thought in my mind before I sleep.
You'd never understand how I hate myself
for not showing it the way you want me to.
And you'll never know, how you're the only one I need.

I tell you but you won't believe me.
So why don't you ask yourself;
Do you think I'd ever really
do all this for just anyone else?

I guess you'll never know how I cry;
how you're the last thought in my mind before I sleep.
You'd never understand how I hate myself
for not showing it the way you want me to.
And you'll never know, how you're the only one I need.

And you don't notice when I'm trying;
so here we go again, another fight.
Guess I wasn't what you wanted;
and now I don't know how to put things right.

I guess you'll never know how I cry;
how you're the last thought in my mind before I sleep.
You'd never understand how I hate myself
for not showing it the way you want me to.
And you'll never know, how you're the only one I need.

No you'll never know how I cry;
or how you're the last thought in my mind before I sleep.
You'll never understand how I hate myself
for being such a disappointment to you.
And you'll never know, just how much you mean to me.

No, you'll never know..

~

26.6.10

Tiisin


~

Masakit.
Nalilito; nalalahog.
Nawawala ang kulay.
Tiisin.

~


25.6.10

Not Anymore

~

There's only so much I can take,
only so many smiles I can fake each day.
And you never seem to care about how I feel;
like it's so easy to just throw me away.
And this is all I've got to say.

I don't want to be the one you hold through the night;
don't want to be the one to look into your eyes
and tell you I love you,
'cause I don't, not anymore.
I tried to make it work, but it wasn't enough;
didn't want you to get hurt, I still loved you too much
but now I'm not so sure.
And now all that's left for me is to walk out that door.

This kind of pain's too much for me to bear
and though you say you're gonna be there, you're not.
And you always seem to think that I won't mind
but this time you can't take one last shot.
And there's nothing left to say.

Except that I don't want to be the one you hold through the night;
don't want to be the one to look into your eyes
and tell you I love you,
'cause I don't, not anymore.
I tried to make it work, but it wasn't enough;
didn't want you to get hurt, I still loved you too much
but now I'm not so sure.
And now all that's left for me is to walk out that door.

You say I'm your only one
but there will always be the rest of the world.
The magic faded; all the fireworks are gone
and I can't be your girl.

'Cause I don't want to be the one you hold through the night;
don't want to be the one to look into your eyes
and tell you I love you,
'cause I don't, not anymore.
I tried to make it work, but it wasn't enough;
didn't want you to get hurt, I still loved you too much
but now I'm not so sure.
And now all that's left for me is to walk out that door.

'Cause I'm not your girl; not anymore..

~

24.6.10

Crash Beloved

~

Everyone's gonna say we made the wrong decision
we didn't think and so it's not gonna last
We didn't look before we leapt
and when we leapt we crashed

But you are my crash beloved
jump now, don't hold your breath
With me, it's now or never
if we fall, we fall together
Salvage love from the ruins of destiny
and I'm with you to the death

Everyone's gonna try and bring us down
they all say we threw away our lives
I don't regret that we took risks 'cause
you risk even more if you don't try

But you are my crash beloved
jump now, don't hold your breath
With me, it's now or never
if we fall, we fall together
Salvage love from the ruins of destiny
and I'm with you to the death

Tell me, do you regret everything we ever did?
Every chance we jumped for, all the risks we would take
'cause it's too late now, to turn this thing around
there's no air bag to soften the crash
and we threw away the brakes

But you are my crash beloved
jump now, don't hold your breath
With me, it's now or never
if we fall, we fall together
Salvage love from the ruins of destiny
and I'm with you to the death

And I don't need to look before I leap
as long as you're with me when I crash..

~

Stay

~

I watch you go, and the tears start to fall,
and I wonder, did you ever care?
Did I really mean anything, anything at all?
'cause when you look at me, it's like I'm not there.

I'm letting you go
but I want you to know

When you're gone, the colors seem to fade away
and all I'm left with is this empty gray space
At the back of my mind
I'm still wondering why
I bother to wait when you've left me no reason to stay.

You don't look back as you start to walk away
and my heart's breaking all over again.
Don't know what I can do to convince you to stay
to try and make myself believe it's not the end.

I don't want you to go
but you need to know

When you're gone, the colors seem to fade away
and all I'm left with is this empty gray space
At the back of my mind
I'm still wondering why
I bother to wait when you've left me no reason to stay.

I know I've made my mistakes
but you need to take some of the blame
That choice was yours to make
and you chose the path to take
but is there anything, anything I can do
to make you stay?

'Cause when you're gone, the colors seem to fade away
and all I'm left with is this endless gray space
At the back of my mind
I'm still wondering why
I keep making the same mistakes
Why do I bother to wait
when you've left me no reason to stay?

When you're gone the colors seem to fade away
and my life ends up an endless gray space
At the back of my mind
I'm still wondering why
I keep making the same mistakes
I guess I can't help but wait
though you've left me no reason to stay.
'Cause when you're gone, the colors all just fade away.

~

I'll Wait

~

All of those lies you found it easy to tell
don't you know I could see through them all?
You thought that I was completely under your spell
but I know you didn't care as you were watching me fall.

I'll wait 'cause I know that's the only way
so I'll stay for however long it takes
Until all the magic fades away
and when it crumbles down I'll watch the butterflies fly away.

If this is the smile that I've got to fake
every day for the rest of my life
Amidst all the harsh words you can't help but stay
as I cry myself to sleep every night.

I'll wait 'cause I know that's the only way
so I'll stay for however long it takes
Until all the magic fades away
and when it crumbles down I'll watch the butterflies fly away.

Oh, I wish I could fly away
away from the promises you'd always meant to break
Out of your arms, away from the pain
away from your heart and into somewhere I'm safe.

I'll wait 'cause I know that's the only way
so I'll stay for however long it takes
Until all the magic fades away
and when it crumbles down I'll watch the butterflies fly away.

And only when I'm out of your arms
Will I truly be safe..

~

Dancing on Glass

She is bleeding
bleeding
The bottoms of her feet
are cut,
torn.
She is dancing
dancing on glass.

She is the most beautiful
in the room
and her hair, it is fiery
but her blood is redder.

Knives and glass,
knives and glass.

And she leaves a wet trail on the floor
Circles,
Circles,
Left
and
Right.
Round and round
she will go,
dancing with her Prince.

The glass hurts
and she is bleeding
but she will not stop
and her tears
will not fall
because
this is her last sunset;
her last one,
before
she returns to the world
where
she can no longer
dance on the glass..

Red

Sunset
and I see you across the field
We meet halfway
and smile.
No greetings needed
just nods and laughter
smiles.
How I love making you smile
Your eyes sparkle
sparkle
And I wonder if you see
the heat rising in my face
up
up
My cheeks are burning.
Sunset
The sunset is red
I stare and you laugh
and laugh
and laugh
Your laugh is so beautiful
I want to make you
laugh like that every day
for the rest of my life.
I bite my lip
until the blood drips out
Because I can't help myself
I can't stop staring.
You touch my lip with your
fingertip.
Gently
softly
like a feather.
You tilt my chin up
and the heat rises
up
up

And I shiver
and I'm shaking
But you hold me still
and your eyes
they are dark
but they burn
Red
Red like the sunset
There's a smile in them
the smile I want to see
for me
And your lips
so sweet
meet mine.
You pull away
It lasted for a moment
and I can't stare at you
anymore
So instead I stare
at the sunset
so red.
My cheek as you stroke it
burns.
Like your eyes.
Like the sky.
Red.

Fireworks

~

There they are
way up in the sky
glittering 'til they turn back to dust.
I see one on my left
it looks like a dragon
spewing fiery embers at the stars.
There are ones that are
L O U D
and throw streaks in every corner.
There are those that are
all sound
and little sparkle.
There are
silent ones
that fill the sky with gold
twinkling
for a moment
before they disappear.
Snap
Crackle
Pop
There goes one to the right
Like a sizzling beacon
Zig
z
a
g
ging
its way through the smoke.
There's a dizzying array of color
amidst all the ashes
and the noise.
I'm enjoying myself;
it was worth staying up tonight.
But I can't help myself
I can't stop thinking
that
the best fireworks ever
were the ones I had
when you first kissed me.

~