Minus the Maybe

~

It's getting harder to convince you
but only
because I lost the will to convince
myself.

And throughout all the bittersweet collisions of
us,
at the back of my mind I'm still
wishing
hoping
needing
for the bitter to overpower the sweet

because then maybe it would make it easier
to leave.

To say, "I don't need you anymore,"

To give back to you a cardboard box
holding all the remains of what we used to be
[Although shredded butterfly wings and empty
chocolate cases
are poor glory-holders.]

Because eventually my metaphors will not be enough for you
you and your determined, clouded toxicity
and I will be forced to grit my teeth and discipline
my unruly tear ducts
through the transparent lies and the forced-out truths,
to make sure I still have the strength to say
that eight-lettered piece of
b u l l s h i t .

And maybe, just maybe,
I don't.

~