Glasses

~

Blurry lenses and thin wires

don't bruise as easily as

sunburnt skin and kiss-hungry cheekbones

but

I'm still sorry.

Her

~

I can't hate her for being
everything I always wasn't
because
you
were the one who kept telling me
I could be someone better
when all you ever wanted
was for me to turn into
her.

Please?

~

I was fourteen and you were nineteen and
my skin was the color of plaster chipped and fading
but you were caramel and coffee
and when you put your arms around me I felt like maybe
I could learn to be alright again.

You were charcoal eyes and a caustic laugh
and all I could ever do was try to sketch you out on the flyleaf's
of all the dog-eared books you'd lend me but I'd
forget to return.

And maybe sometimes I'd let myself get little papercuts
just so you could take my hand and scold me
be more careful!
And the endorphins from my fingertips would tell me to smile
but your kisses always
requested.

Coop.

*note: The coop is the place where we eat, at school. The only place.

It's an escape. As soon as you walk through the clanging double doors, a myriad of pungent smells and raised voices overwhelms you. This is the place where students come to relax, to eat, drink and be merry. Their laughter reverberates off the garishly painted walls as the students eat off sturdy plates with trusty utensils, rinsed briefly in the washing area. You can actually see their hunger being satiated, their stress and anguish being relieved. It's noisy and hot and leaves only moths in your purse, but we need it. It's where we can be human again, without the pressure of being perfect. After all, food doesn't judge us.

On Letter to Pedro~

How does the persona end the letter? Explain by example.

I wouldn't say he ends the letter/poem "happy" or "sad" specifically. He sounds more wistful than anything, actually. You see this in the last two stanzas, most especially in the lines

"Pete, old friend, every time we have a good reason to get drunk and be carried home in a wheelbarrow, we always remember you. Oh, we miss both Pete and Pedro."

This wistful mood is the life of the entire poem, underneath all the ramblings and the irony. To me, the poem is less an informative one than one written by someone not quite sure how to word his emotions. It deviates from [what seems to me] the main message of missing an old friend, and instead reminds him of familiar memories, trying to tell him without saying so, that the real reason their town has changed is because Pedro is no longer there.

Poison

a little too bitter,
not enough sweet.
sharp, but intoxicating;
electric

how curious

darling, would you like to be my
poison?

follow me

every moment a maelstrom
of painful, blissful
confusion

do cats eat bats? do bats eat cats?

take me high, higher;
darling, destroy me.

drink

a never-ending standstill
of disappearing
time

hurry, hurry, hurry, we'll be late

your inky black orbs
hide a mocking, fading laughter

a smile without a cat!

not enough are those wrists
crisscrossed with vivid
red

why not just paint them?

stare me down, love

off with her head!

blue fingertips grasping at evasive orange flames
while the rest of the world
rushes
away

all persons above a mile high...

impossibility was never your strong point, love

but it wasn't just a dream

Gone

~

I wanted to burn

all the butterflies you gave me

but

I couldn't find them anymore.

~

Only Electrostatic

~

You left me hanging on heartstrings, and every word you say

is a drop of acid, burning its way

into my mind, as I fall

into your eyes, as you call my name;

and every whiff of you takes my breath away.

You love me forever and a day,

but darling, that’s only ‘cause I dug your heart a grave.

So bleed me out through your lightning-lined veins

because we’re only electrostatic, but that’s okay.

I’m a tangled mess, and my mistakes

are scrawled all over

your dog-eared pages, and coffee stains

blot out the lies

that eat your gut from inside

‘cause the butterflies have all gone away.

You told me I could fly.

You’re tearing my wings apart.

But I can still kiss away all of your scars

bleeding honeysuckle venom as you try to put back all my pieces.

Go on, staple them with sweetness.

Darling, don’t be bitter

I kissed you goodnight, now it’s your turn.

I love you forever and a day

Oh, you can take my heart down to your grave

Bleed me some ambrosia, darling, drive me insane

Sing to me in electrostatic, tell me everything’s okay.

Let me leave you hanging on heartstrings

forever and a day.

~

Basagin

~

basagin ang salamin

ang sakit ay tiisin

hangga't mga piraso

ayos na't dugu-dugo

~

Think Fast.

Copperhead Hall.

~

That’s what it said on the note Dr. Quin had left for him, so Matt folded up the paper and left for the Hall.

~

Nicole had been leaning on the railing for over an hour already, and she was just about to leave when she saw Matt heading her way.

“Did the Quin send you here?” he called out, walking faster now.

“Why are you late?” she called back by way of reply, getting up and moving towards him.

“Sorry,” he said breathlessly when they were finally in front of each other. “I only got the note now.”

“So I’m your girlfriend for the hour?” she asked quietly, suddenly fascinated with her cuffed grey laces.

“I.. guess so. And I’m yours. Boyfriend, I mean,” he ran a hand through his hair.

“So how do we do this?” she looked up at him, and the sheepish look on his face made her laugh. “I mean, do we have mushy pet names for each other, or hold hands or what?”

“You wanna wait for the sunset?” he suggested, shoving his hands in his back pockets. His fingertips felt awkward.

“It’s three in the afternoon!” she said, but her eyes were bright.

“Yeah. We can figure this out while we wait,” he laid a hand on the back of his neck. “Unless you wanna find some candles and have dinner right now.”

“Sunset it is,” she decided, and moved towards the railings again. She turned around, placed her hands on the banister and pushed, trying to get herself up on it, but her feet hit the floor with a carpeted fwup.

“Here, let me,” he offered, and before she could say anything he’d put his hands at her waist and lifted her. She gasped slightly and reached for his shoulders to balance her, but this time she didn’t wobble like she used to.

“Um, thanks,” she said quietly, and she could feel the tips of her ears burning. She swiveled around so her back was to him, and bit her lip as the heat rose in her cheeks.

“So.. do I hug you from behind, or..?” and he tried to hold her, but she’d turned around as he spoke again, and before he could think he’d grabbed her by the arms as she shrieked, her legs flailing.

He pulled her back on the railing as she breathed deeply, clutching at his arms. Her nails dug into his skin.

“Sorry,” they both said, and she giggled.

“We’re very bad at this, aren’t we?” she said, and he laughed.

“Yes, yes we are,” he laced his arms under hers and around her waist, pulling her firmly next to him. “Here’s to hoping I don’t push you off again.”

Her cheeks were on fire as she chewed on her tongue, and she leaned into him hesitantly, breathing in his familiar scent.

“So… what are we looking at?” he asked at length, and everything felt awkward all over again.

“The parking lot!” she proclaimed, and she could feel him laughing silently. It felt too right to be with him. She took a breath.

“Think fast!” And before he could blink she’d pressed her lips to his and got her fingers tangled up in his hair.

It ended before he could realize it, and he was left blinking rapidly as she whipped her head around, her neck turning several shades of red at once.

“Erm. That was..”

“I’m sorry. I guess, well. I guess I, uh. I tried,” she said so quietly, he had to strain himself to hear her.

“It’s.. it’s fine. I.. just didn’t expect it,” he tried to reassure her, but he was pretty sure she couldn’t hear him well past his heart pounding in his throat. “We’re okay now?”

“I suppose,” she replied, even quieter than before. He only realized she was clutching at his hands when he couldn’t feel his fingertips anymore.

She could feel his heart pounding against her, and she wondered if he could feel hers, too. She loosened her grip on his fingers and threaded hers through them.

“Is the hour almost over?” she asked, and immediately regretted it. She sounded impatient.

“It’s been twenty minutes,” he said, pulling away. “You wanna just say we’re done after an hour?” She could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“No,” she said, pulling his arms back around her. “We’ll wait for the sunset.”

In Pieces

~

You wanted to see
how far you could push me
til I broke
But I think I fell apart along the way.

~

Ugly woman,

~

your voice chokes
on itself
says things that
stumble clumsily
over the meanings you
foist so wrongly.
I wonder if you've noticed
your melted mascara
has smeared all over
your dignity.

~

You

~

It was never just your smile
or how great it felt to rumple your hair into a mess
And how incredibly intense you looked when you read
your books full of war and words I didn't understand

It wasn't all about how you could hurt me
so easily it was like you needed it
Or how you could destroy my will with your razor-edged words
and kiss away my tears with your honeysuckle lips.

[It was you and your way of intoxicating me
making me want you so badly I couldn't save myself
from needing your heated kisses and your breath on my neck
so maybe I could make believe you really did love me.]

~

mush potato.

~

My black and blue scrawls
dance all over the page
Ignoring the smooth straight lines across the paper
Scribbling themselves into your name
Jake Jake Jake
into little hearts that always come in eighteens
and strawberries with uneven lines for eyes.

Half my face crushed between my palm
and the weight of my head
Sleepyhead, wake up
and the other half desperately trying to hide underneath tangled hair with faded highlights.

Algebra Algebra Algebra
I was never good with math
And the little girl in me never understood
why my abc's had threaded their way into all the numbers.

The heat's dizzying me
and you glance my way as I sway when I try to stand
Goodbye and Thank You we chorus
and Good Riddance to you and your abc-infested numbers.

You make your way towards me and glance at my notes
All your numbers are mushed together.
Mashed. Like mashed potato.
No, mush. Mush potato.
No such thing! But it's not really a fight
And I try to explain
that potatoes are mashed
Mashed, I tell you! Not mush.

And then you pin me to the back of my chair
and you kissmekissmekissme
And we forget all about mush potatoes
and my scattered inky scrawls.

~

Goodbye, angel.

~

Goodbye, angel
it was never meant to be
But when it gets lonely up there in heaven
I hope you'll think of me

And when the stars come out
at the end of another long day
I'll think of you and how you never looked back
as you flew away..

~

Unafraid

The hands on the clock go
Tick tock
Tick
tock
Ti
ck
To
ck
And the rain hits the window
Pitter patter
Pitter
patter
Pit
ter
Pat
ter
Her world slows down
and her breath grows short
Her fingernails making moons on her skin
Knees to her chest
and the rain won't stop
She sighs and her shaking knees meet her chin

Raindrops trail down the window pane
and tears trail down her face
As the memories begin rushing to the back of her mind,
vivid and painful and clear
The waters rushing to meet the rooftops
All the people being swept away
Her cries carried off by the wind and the water
Just a little girl drowning in fear

Her eyes widen at the thunderclaps
so she shuts them tight
and she bites her tongue to swallow a scream
Her teeth clench harder from the lightning
her blood starts to flow
the pain reminds her this isn't a dream

But then she opens her eyes
she looks into the storm
and she stands up slowly
Her mind has been made
She runs out into her balcony
and the raindrops hit her shoulders
but now she's dancing in the puddles
It's in her eyes, in her laughter
Pitter patter,
Pitter
Patter
Now the lightning's her spotlight
lighting up a little girl finally unafraid.

~

Bittersweet

~

Your kisses give me wild butterflies
that gnaw at the insides of my stomach
and catapult my heart into my throat

And so the words I need to say are stuck there,
caught between ripped heartstrings and bile.

Swiftly, your fingers lace through mine
heartlessly twisting my words around your lies
keeping me forever chained to your side

But as always you're the first to break away
and pointless tears drown in my bittersweet smile.
~
Your lips stained with fearlessness
poisoning me with intoxicating dreams
of forever, spun in quicksilver lies

And then my tears fall hard and fast and shameless;
broken sobs clinging to your tongue 'til they fade.

You leave me with no breath to spare
smothering yourself with my vulnerability
as the taste of you blurs away the world

And I cannot let my wretched self escape from this moment
as once again I let you steal me away.

~

Waiting

~

The world is falling, falling away
and she is lying still
Listening to the world melt into shards
of soft glass that fall onto her palm
tangling in her dry hair
flowing down her cheek

Her dress is ragged, dirty, torn
No.
It's a gown, of course, and
her prince will come for her
any minute now
Astride a big golden dragon
telling her that the world has burnt down
and they will fly to a new one

She rolls over and the world
rolls with her, following
her every move, her every twist
her soft body writhing
as her prince takes her

And the monsters in her closet
consort with the ones under her bed
and in her mind
But the ones in her heart, in her blood
they cannot be touched
and only she can set them free

Her white slippers start to hop
Hop? Glass slippers don't hop, fool
No, they're not glass slippers
they're rabbits
and they're terribly late
Their Papa would have said so too

She has no name
she gave it away in exchange for her Prince
She has no love
not even one drop
It is Heartache that flows through her now

She closes her eyes
she wishes for a breath
But wishes do not work
when you have no name and no love
Not even a snowflake
to call your own

What are you waiting for, girl?
For Time to destroy itself
And Hope to destroy me
For Love to mourn the living
And my Solace to save me.

~

What It Is and Isn't

~

It's a million "this is the last one!" kisses
on a warm summer night
Pointing him in the wrong direction
so you can get lost one more time

Fighting over the last marshmallow
'til it's all gone to bits
Giving him your last red gummi bear
then stealing it back with a kiss

Turning his knuckles white on that rollercoaster
but he knows you were never scared
Him letting you 'borrow' his socks forever
and put ribbons in his hair

It's fighting about idiotic things
and then racing to apologize
Telling him you never want to see him
then waiting for his phone call all night

But only to get mad at him again, you'll swear
and he'll call just to let you try
But then "it's nobody's fault, anyway, right?"
and of course, "of course you didn't cry."

Playing hockey with a runaway bottle cap
and tackling each other for a shot at a goal
Flipping off idiots who say you can't kiss
because well, "they can all just go die in a hole."

It's not being blind to any of his faults
it's about him knowing each of yours all too well
Letting you copy the homework he crammed right before
and you never saying you're addicted to his smell

He'll break your things, and you'll give him scars,
and you can tell him when he's "lame!"
And movies are just see-through excuses to cuddle
because your teddy bear just can't hug the same

It's him buying you a Coke though it's really all his
'cause three sips could fill you up
And you don't have to be good enough for anyone else
because well, because "it's just love."

~

When I Was Little

~

Six, with my pigtails and chocolate-coated face
When my home was the world and my toys had their own names.

Eight, with the icing on my hands and not the cake
The smile that hid a cookie-raid was the only one you had to fake.

Ten, with my palette and paint-spattered dress
And the worst thing that could happen was making too little a mess.

Twelve, with eyes widened at the harshness of school
Jumping off bridges with my friends 'cause they said it was cool.

Fourteen, with dark bruises and the cuts on my wrists
And I'm all too familiar with the wrath of your fists.

Sixteen, with the innocence all gone from my eyes
I'm not so young anymore but I'm through with life.

~

Pretend

~

I spare no love for our sad attempts at talking
These embers are dying out while we think of things to say
And every time I try, you shoot me down
But really, how much farther can you push me away?

I see we're back to playing our game of pretend
Until the lies and the tears come back once again
And I thought it would be different now; I guess I was wrong
But can you blame me for wanting it to be more than make believe?

Even when you hold me I don't know what to feel anymore
And I know you're just waiting 'til it's time to pull away
You keep saying I'm not the girl you used to know
But you should know I'm not the only one who's changed.

~